Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Sorry about my life...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
