his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
