At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
