my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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