Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
