Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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