There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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