Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
