Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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