So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
