Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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