whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
