OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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