i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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