watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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