I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
