how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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