my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Another day, another engagement, another cat
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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