forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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