how can u be prego again
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
