At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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