I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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