Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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