your room smells of hookers.
And success
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
