sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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