oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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