8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize