Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
