Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize