I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
