are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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