I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
