How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
