Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
