It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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