So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
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He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
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Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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