What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
