Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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