Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
