Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
