That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
