oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
