just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
