Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
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I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize