I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
