I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
