so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
