Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
