And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You took a bar mat shot.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
