i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
