I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
