hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
