I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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