could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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