Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
