In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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