I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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