6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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