Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
