she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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