did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
