I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
