It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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