Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
