chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
