My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
