That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
