I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
