my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
